why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
