it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
