woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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