evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
