Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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