Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
