ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
