omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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