you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
