Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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