I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
