He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize