I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
