He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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