I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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