My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
