Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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