'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My penis needs a shock collar
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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