Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
