i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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