Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
