just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
