Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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