Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
