he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't deserve a penis
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
