Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
