I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
