I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
