he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
