I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My life is pants optional.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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