it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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