it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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