White coat. Heels.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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