if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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