pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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