Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My ATM looks so different sober.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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