South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize