watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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