There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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