Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They took my balls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
