mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
