she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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