Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
