please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
