Will you blow on my dice?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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