Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
