Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
