I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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