well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did I show you my penis last night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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