I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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