drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i will never coherently bang her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize