Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
