We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
