please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
