if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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