how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
