dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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