are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize