I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
