I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
