Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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