I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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