I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
